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Brad Childress Is An All-Knowing Deity
Credit to Deadspin for the great article…
So, Brad Childress went on a morning show today and discussed what has been the main topic of “NFL Live” for the past six months or so: Brett Favre. They asked him questions about all the rumors and press releases by the Vikings about the Wranglers spokesman himself.
Continue reading…
Five Tips For Players On Bad Teams
This site isn’t just here for the baseball fan. It’s also here for the baseball player. Let’s say your team’s been slumping and you need that extra spark to get going. Unfortunately, in this hypothetical situation the reason your team has been slumping is that you don’t have enough talented players to win baseball games above AA. So what do you do? We’re here to help.
Mariners Fans Might Cry If They Trade Bedard
Hey, remember that awful pitcher that was on the Mariners last year? The one that signed a massive contract and then proceeded to whittle his time away on the bench with a bottle of Wild Turkey. Mariners fans - what’s his name again?
Oh yeah, Erik Bedard.
Getting To Know You: Albert Pujols
Too often, we see baseball players as essentially different from the rest of us. In order to combat that trend, we at ChatterBalks have started Getting To Know You, in which we conduct informal interviews in order to humanize them. This time: St Louis Cardinals first baseman Albert Pujols!
We Are Prophets and/or Sorcerers; Mets Suck, Have Swine Flu
We at Chatterbalks usually don’t like to rub it in people’s faces when we’re right, but EAT IT SUCKERS! Friend us on Twitter if you would like to hear some more 100% guaranteed true prophesy from THE BASEBALL GODS!
Chapter 2: In Which We Place The Boone Curse On A Promising Youngster Named Bryce Howard
The older we get, the grumpier we become. I hate LeBron James for the simple reason that he is two days younger than me, yet, he earns millions of dollars and probably owns a few islands as well (I only own one island - Galapagos. Ew, birds). Anyone that is younger and more capable than myself, I simply resent entirely. This will leave me as a very grumpy and spiteful old man in the future. I will probably resign myself from watching sports, and hustle others my age at bridge, parcheesi, or some other like-minded fogey game. Continue reading…
New Red Sox Hat Enables Nation To Finally Smell Themselves (Sorta)
The clamoring for a scratch-and-sniff hat by Red Sox fans should finally end now, with the release of this new watermelon-scented scratch-and-sniff hat. Yes that’s right kids, a hat sitting atop your head you can finally scratch, and then sniff.
We can’t say we’re not disappointed by the lack of development on the Boston baked bean scratch-and-sniff hat, but we get the feeling that will come in the near future.
And of course, not to be outdone, the Yankees had do create their own damn hat. And a car for a child. No one knows how to waste them some money quite like the Yankees.
Orlando Magic Unveil Superlaser To Defend Superstars
After years of perennial playoff disappointment, the Orlando Magic recently unveiled the world’s second-largest laser to assist with their defense, NBA officials stated over the weekend. The JIWF (Just If We’re Fucked) laser stands over two court lengths in size, with the power of roughly nine Dwight Howard earth-shattering dunks.
The super laser, second only to California’s recent superlaser display, will protect the interior defense mostly from superstars; however, lesser players such as Wally Sczerbiak and Derek Fisher may avoid damage. “This superlaser is to prevent guys who are the go-to’s from getting to the rim,” assistant general manager Dave Twardzik told reporters. “We have harnessed a very powerful weapon for the playoffs.” When asked about the potentiality of the superlaser leaving for free agency, Twardzik said “We will deal with that issue when it arises.”
The JIWF laser is capable of puncturing through all body cavities of a superstar, otherwise known as an unstoppable player who has the potential of scoring up to and above 30 points a game. “We actually got the idea from Stan (Van Gundy), who is just a genius of all sorts. He came into the locker game after a rough loss to Dwayne Wade and the Heat, and just started yelling the word ‘laser’ repeatedly. The Magic labratory took over from there.”
The Magic plan on using the laser beginning in Game 4 of the NBA Finals, but players are worried the team might already be down 3-0 by that time. “It’s not a perfect weapon, and in fact, we are doing some testing on D-League teams for quality assurance. Last year, we had a successful test run destroying the sternum of NBA player Mark Madsen, but like I said, this was built to protest our interior defense against superstars and not hacks,” Magic scientist Waldorf McFlorgen explained.
Featured Posts
When I was in high school, one of the only things that helped calm my wicked case of “Senior-itis” was getting the yearbook at the end of every year. Nevermind the fact that my Senior-itis persisted from Kindergarten all the way to college. But the best part about the yearbook was not the nostalgia factor [...]
Ah, late 2006. I remember it well. Saddam Hussein was sentenced to death. Ben Stiller was electrifying moviegoers everywhere with Night At The Museum. And three California teams each signed a new center fielder.
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