Other Historic Yankee Stadium Events
Jul
08
Those of you who watched the All-Star Game may have noticed that a significant portion of Fox’s telecast was devoted to showing important and memorable moments in the history of Yankee Stadium, even as the game went deep into extra innings. But Fox was actually even more prepared than they let on - they had prepared many more nuggets of information about the historic stadium that they never got a chance to broadcast. Chatterbalks has obtained exclusive access to the notes prepared for Joe Buck and Tim McCarver, and we are proud to present them to you.
July 18, 1999 - David Cone’s Perfect Game. A year after David Wells threw his perfect game, David Cone also achieves the feat. Truly a great day in baseball history. But no one cares because David Cone wasn’t a fat piece of shit.
May 18, 1998 - David Wells Eats A Moderately Sized Lunch. In recognition of what an incredible achievement his perfect game was the previous day, David Wells eats a lunch consisting of nothing more than a ham sandwich, a bag of chips, and a Coke. Some reporters even claim that he left three entire roast beef sandwiches just sitting on the team buffet table.
Later, he ate a lamb for a midafternoon snack.
September 14, 1981 - The Battle Of The Bulge. This name generally refers to the last major German offensive in World War 2, but in this context it …
The Bandwagon Came Early This Year: Chicago Deep Dish Style
Jul
08
Tears of joy ran down my face when I saw this
Remember what it was like in the winter of 2004 and the Spring on 2005 when you couldn’t go anywhere without seeing a god damn Red Sox hat or shirt? Remember when you went up and asked them to name 5 players on the 2004 Sox team not named Ortiz, Ramirez, Martinez, Damon or Schilling and they couldn’t even name one?
Well, the bandwagon’s back baby and this time the train came early courtesy of the North side of Chicago.
In the past, no matter how bad your team did during the season you could tell yourself “Hey, at least the Cubs still haven’t won a World Series!” In fact, I still revel in the misery felt by every Cub’s fan after a playoff loss. I wish I knew Steve Bartman so I could thank him for making me so happy. If I saw anyone sporting cubs gear I could drunkenly belittle their team for as long as I wanted and they could not rebut. But now it’s getting hard to find an actual Cubbie fan to make fun of.
I went to the Dodger / Cubs series at Dodger Stadium a while back and I didn’t know what to do with myself. Usually Dodger Stadium is filled with unruly Mexicans who would literally kill people in the parking lot for wearing a Giants jersey. On this particular weekend, things were very very …
Drunk Marlins Fan Helps Phillies Front Office Realize Shane Victorino is “Garbage”
Jul
08
MIAMI, FL - In what is sure to go down as the sharpest decline in player productivity since Cory Lidle, Philadelphia Phillies center fielder Shane Victorino has been identified as “garbage.” Victorino, who is currently hitting .270/.341/.375 on the season is now expected to suffer a major decline in all aspects of the game. The news was delivered in the middle of Sunday night’s game in Miami by Marlins fan Gordon Kramer.
“Hey Victorino! You’re garbage! Garbage!” yelled Kramer .
The statement itself was intended for only Victorino to hear. But given the sparse attendance at Dolphin Stadium, the declaration was plainly audible for all 2,659 fans present. The shouting was also picked up by the local television broadcast, informing an estimated 1,044 other viewers in the Miami area that Shane Victorino is, in fact, nothing more than common refuse.
Kramer also informed the public that Victorino was “ugly,” “useless,” and “stupid.” After listening intently to his preachings, many other fans began to trust his judgment. Fellow Marlins fan said, “That guy [Kramer] is obviously an expert on what’s ugly, useless, stupid garbage. I consider him the ultimate authority on the subject.”
Phillies manager Charlie Manuel denied reporters the chance to talk to Victorino himself, but did say, “It’s obviously very disturbing to find out that your #2 hitter is nothing more than a stinking heap of compost. He’ll get the day off tomorrow and we’ll re-evaluate …
Amish Family Courting Rockies Closer Brian Fuentes
Jul
08
MILLERSBERG, OH - As the trading deadline for baseball looms in the distance, Rockies closer Brian Fuentes has become quite the hot commodity amongst major league teams. The Devil Rays, A’s, and Yankees have all inquired with the Rockies about obtaining the closer; however, the real dark horse candidate is lurking on the outskirts of Canton, Ohio, in a tiny Amish village. ESPN’s Peter Gammons reports that the Platt family of Millersberg, Ohio is “strongly courting” the lefty closer to work on their farmstead. The Amish family has contacted Rockies GM Dan O’ Dowd several times over the past day via carrier pigeons and messenger boys, all of them iterating that the Amish family has much value in their “farm system” for the Rockies.
“Well, we are quite the small organization,” said head of household Dan Platt, as he leaned back in his 1800’s rocking chair chuckling. “It’s basically just myself, my beautiful wife Mary, and our six amazing children. But we have been scouting Brian (Fuentes) for quite a while, and we think we can put that arm to work in more ways than just one.” The Platts have owned a modest cheese farm for the better part of the 1900’s, and they’ve seen a recent downturn in revenue as a result of rising fuel costs.
This is only the second time a non-baseball organization has contacted a Major League team about a ballplayer. It happened last in 1996, when the …
Without the Double-Switch, Life Is A Hollow Meaningless Void
Jun
08
By Bruce Bochy
Now I like to think I’m a pretty upbeat guy most of the time. Even though my team isn’t very good, I have faith in my guys. I know that one day, these young guys are going to be really good baseball players and they’ll have some growing pains. But I have to say, I’ve been appalled lately during this round of interleague play. You see, in American League parks they have the designated hitter, which means that the pitcher doesn’t hit. And that means that there can be no double switches. And that makes me want to die.
Holy crap, Zito’s actually pitching well tonight. If only I could put in a reliever in a non-9th spot in the lineup!
You see, the essence of good managing is the double switch. Any time I can take a guy out of the lineup who’s hitting well so I can move the pitcher’s spot up two places, I get so excited my heart skips a beat. And right now, that’s been taken away from me. I can barely shave for fear of slitting my throat in order to gain sweet release. As I walk down the street, I want to throw myself into traffic so that I can finally get to heaven and double switch out Babe Ruth in the 6th inning of a Heaven Baseball League game for a mediocre lefty middle reliever who I’ll only …
Baseball GMs Report Managers Really Suck This Week
Jun
08
TORONTO - John Gibbons was the latest manager to be fired this week, following the dismissals of Willie Randolph and John McLaren. These dismissals are making waves all over baseball, as GMs everywhere wonder why these managers suddenly suck so bad that they have to be fired.
“It doesn’t make a lot of sense,” said Mets GM Omar Minaya, who fired Randolph in the middle of the night following a Mets victory in Los Angeles. “Willie used to be totally good. He won 96 games two years ago and now he can’t manage anymore. But I know that when I constructed this roster largely made up of old players who didn’t have decent backups in case of injury or ineffectiveness, I gave Willie every chance to win. It’s a shame that his managerial talents so completely deserted him.”
Toronto GM JP Ricciardi agreed. “You know, a couple years ago, we finished in front of the Red Sox with John at the helm. 87-75. You can look it up. But since then, it’s like John’s been a completely different manager. He hasn’t been able to use AJ Burnett, who I went out and got to help this team, he managed Frank Thomas and Frank Thomas was pretty bad this year…I don’t know what happened. My guess is he’s not enough of a winner.”
Ex-Seattle GM Bill Bavasi was running for his life and thus unavailable for …
