Cardinals Sign Ghostrunner, Pujols to Hit Behind Self

Thanks to correspondent Lee Barats for the following report.

The Cardinals finally got their star first-baseman the protection he desperately needs. General Manager John Mozeliak announced the signing of free agent Ghostrunner today, a move that will allow league home run leader Albert Pujols to hit in the fourth and fifth slots. “We’ve tried hitting Molina, Rasmus, and even Ankiel behind Albert, but everyone keeps pitching around him. With Pujols hitting behind Pujols, We’ve finally got Pujols the protection Pujols deserves: Pujols.”
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Brad Childress Is An All-Knowing Deity

Credit to Deadspin for the great article…

So, Brad Childress went on a morning show today and discussed what has been the main topic of “NFL Live” for the past six months or so: Brett Favre. They asked him questions about all the rumors and press releases by the Vikings about the Wranglers spokesman himself.
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Five Tips For Players On Bad Teams

This site isn’t just here for the baseball fan. It’s also here for the baseball player. Let’s say your team’s been slumping and you need that extra spark to get going. Unfortunately, in this hypothetical situation the reason your team has been slumping is that you don’t have enough talented players to win baseball games above AA. So what do you do? We’re here to help.

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Mariners Fans Might Cry If They Trade Bedard

Hey, remember that awful pitcher that was on the Mariners last year? The one that signed a massive contract and then proceeded to whittle his time away on the bench with a bottle of Wild Turkey. Mariners fans - what’s his name again?

Oh yeah, Erik Bedard.

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Getting To Know You: Albert Pujols

Too often, we see baseball players as essentially different from the rest of us. In order to combat that trend, we at ChatterBalks have started Getting To Know You, in which we conduct informal interviews in order to humanize them. This time: St Louis Cardinals first baseman Albert Pujols!

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We Are Prophets and/or Sorcerers; Mets Suck, Have Swine Flu

We at Chatterbalks usually don’t like to rub it in people’s faces when we’re right, but EAT IT SUCKERS! Friend us on Twitter if you would like to hear some more 100% guaranteed true prophesy from THE BASEBALL GODS!

Chapter 2: In Which We Place The Boone Curse On A Promising Youngster Named Bryce Howard

The older we get, the grumpier we become. I hate LeBron James for the simple reason that he is two days younger than me, yet, he earns millions of dollars and probably owns a few islands as well (I only own one island - Galapagos. Ew,  birds).  Anyone that is younger and more capable than myself, I simply resent entirely. This will leave me as a very grumpy and spiteful old man in the future. I will probably resign myself from watching sports, and hustle others my age at bridge, parcheesi, or some other like-minded fogey game. Continue reading…

New Red Sox Hat Enables Nation To Finally Smell Themselves (Sorta)

The clamoring for a scratch-and-sniff hat by Red Sox fans should finally end now, with the release of this new watermelon-scented scratch-and-sniff hat. Yes that’s right kids, a hat sitting atop your head you can finally scratch, and then sniff.

We can’t say we’re not disappointed by the lack of development on the Boston baked bean scratch-and-sniff hat, but we get the feeling that will come in the near future.

And of course, not to be outdone, the Yankees had do create their own damn hat. And a car for a child. No one knows how to waste them some money quite like the Yankees.