Cardinals Sign Ghostrunner, Pujols to Hit Behind Self

Thanks to correspondent Lee Barats for the following report.

The Cardinals finally got their star first-baseman the protection he desperately needs. General Manager John Mozeliak announced the signing of free agent Ghostrunner today, a move that will allow league home run leader Albert Pujols to hit in the fourth and fifth slots. “We’ve tried [...]

Brad Childress Is An All-Knowing Deity

Credit to Deadspin for the great article…
So, Brad Childress went on a morning show today and discussed what has been the main topic of “NFL Live” for the past six months or so: Brett Favre. They asked him questions about all the rumors and press releases by the Vikings about the Wranglers spokesman himself.

Mariners Fans Might Cry If They Trade Bedard

Hey, remember that awful pitcher that was on the Mariners last year? The one that signed a massive contract and then proceeded to whittle his time away on the bench with a bottle of Wild Turkey. Mariners fans - what’s his name again?
Oh yeah, Erik Bedard.

Chapter 2: In Which We Place The Boone Curse On A Promising Youngster Named Bryce Howard

The older we get, the grumpier we become. I hate LeBron James for the simple reason that he is two days younger than me, yet, he earns millions of dollars and probably owns a few islands as well (I only own one island - Galapagos. Ew,  birds).  Anyone that is younger and more capable than [...]

New Red Sox Hat Enables Nation To Finally Smell Themselves (Sorta)

The clamoring for a scratch-and-sniff hat by Red Sox fans should finally end now, with the release of this new watermelon-scented scratch-and-sniff hat. Yes that’s right kids, a hat sitting atop your head you can finally scratch, and then sniff.
We can’t say we’re not disappointed by the lack of development on the Boston baked bean [...]

Orlando Magic Unveil Superlaser To Defend Superstars

After years of perennial playoff disappointment, the Orlando Magic recently unveiled the world’s second-largest laser to assist with their defense, NBA officials stated over the weekend. The JIWF (Just If We’re Fucked) laser stands over two court lengths in size, with the power of roughly nine Dwight Howard earth-shattering dunks.
The super laser, second only to [...]