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Special Reports

This category contains 21 posts

Phillies SP Brett Myers Plays April Fool’s Joke On Wife By Beating Her

HARRISBURG, PA – Early Wednesday morning, authorities responded to a domestic dispute call only to arrive at the home of Phillies ace SP Brett Myers. The pitcher, already with a history of legal problems with his wife, was charged with domestic assault and arrested at the scene. According to authorities, the star pitcher attempted to […]

We Want You: Former Nationals GM Jim Bowden

Listen, Jim. Don’t get down on yourself. Just because you were forced/decided to retire on your own terms doesn’t mean all hope is lost.

Let me tell you why: Chatterbalks.com needs Latin-American sportswriters!

None of us can really speak Spanish. That is part of the problem.

Drunk Marlins Fan Helps Phillies Front Office Realize Shane Victorino is “Garbage”

MIAMI, FL – In what is sure to go down as the sharpest decline in player productivity since Cory Lidle, Philadelphia Phillies center fielder Shane Victorino has been identified as “garbage.” Victorino, who is currently hitting .270/.341/.375 on the season is now expected to suffer a major decline in all aspects of the game. The […]

Amish Family Courting Rockies Closer Brian Fuentes

As the trading deadline for baseball looms in the distance, Rockies closer Brian Fuentes has become quite the hot commodity amongst major league teams. The Devil Rays, A’s, and Yankees have all inquired with the Rockies about obtaining the closer; however, the real dark horse candidate is lurking on the outskirts of Canton, Ohio, in a tiny Amish village.

Jim Leyland’s Smokehouse: A True Pain in the Ass

Hello folks. The name is Leyland, Jim Leyland. And I’m here to tell ya’ll about somethin’ that’s choppin’ mah balls. With technology gettin’ so advanced, it seems as though they still can’t solve the problems of homosexuals. Now, it’s not certain who’s a who and what’s a what in the major leagues, but I can […]

Mariners Put GM Bavasi’s Life ‘On The Line,’ in Addition to Employment

SEATTLE, WA – According to some higher-ups in the Mariners organization, Bill Bavasi’s lifeline is “in risk of being terminated.” It’s become publicly known that after a series of bad managerial decisions, GM Bavasi’s professional career is at stake. However, according to a clan of Mariners druids who initially broke the story to Chatterbalks, there […]