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Matt Holliday Awes No One; Hits First Homerun of Season

Thanks Matt Holliday, for finally hitting a god damn homerun. And it only took you 17 games (he missed two games) to do it. Granted you only hit 4 HR’s in the month of April last year, the consensus is, you still blow.

Put yourself in my shoes. I chose you as my first round draft in my keeper league LAST year and was fairly happy with the results. Scratch that, I was still hugely disappointed with the 49 RBI’s, 13 runs and 11 homeruns less you scored last year. Imgine my dismay when I heard you were traded to a team that’s an offensive laughing stock to the entire league.

And now here we are, 19 games into your season and you hit your first homerun (of course it was a solo-hr), thus proving all those dickhead fantasy experts right in saying you should have been drafted in the 3rd round. I’d love to think that you just had new team / FA season jitters, but I’m not going to hold my breathe.

I hear from Josh Hamilton that becoming a born-again-christian really seems to pick up your numbers. Wait. He sucks this year too?!?! And you say he’s on my team too?!? FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

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