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Getting To Know You

Getting To Know You: Curtis Granderson

Curtis Granderson, seen here being a good baseball player but not a great one

Too often, we see baseball players as essentially different from the rest of us. In order to combat that trend, we at ChatterBalks have started Getting To Know You, in which we conduct informal interviews in order to humanize them. This time: Detroit Tigers center fielder Curtis Granderson!

ChatterBalks: Curtis, thanks for talking to us.

Curtis Granderson: No problem.

CB: So, you write for the Yahoo Sports blog. Do the other Tigers tease you about living in your mother’s basement?

CG: No, they’re used to it. I mean, Todd Jones wrote a column for the Sporting News for a while, and my thing isn’t really that different.

CB: Well, the Sporting News is a published thing on actual paper. The Yahoo Sports blog is online and primarily read by people who read things on the Internet, which is a demographic entirely made up of creepy weirdos and stalkers of semi-celebrities.

CG: Uh…okay?

CB: By the way, do you know Abe Vigoda?

CG: I don’t.

CB: Oh.

(Awkward silence)

CB: So, last year the Tigers were very disappointing. Right now, you guys are in first place in you division. What’s the difference?

CG: You know, it’s really just the consistency day-in, day-out. Last year we thought we were better than we showed, and this year we’re really proving it to the world.

CB: So it’s consistency?

CG: Yeah.

CB: It’s not the fact that aging shitheap Kenny Rogers was replaced by Edwin Jackson? That Justin Verlander is good again? That Nate Robertson has barely pitched? Those have nothing to do with it?

CG: You know, if the point of this interview is to humanize me by talking about something other than baseball, why are you talking about baseball?

CB (sighing): Fine. What’s your favorite movie?

CG: I really liked the Pirates of the Caribbean series.

CB: All of them?

CG: Yeah, they were fun.

CB: You mean the ones that were big hits for the studio but kinda sucked?

CG: I didn’t think they sucked. They were fun and-

CB: The first one was okay, and parts of the other two weren’t terrible. On the whole, even though the studio that put them out got some hits out of them, the actual quality of the product wasn’t high.

CG: Man, you keep bringing it back to baseball.

CB: Favorite band?

CG: Public Enemy.

CB: The same Public Enemy that had a great peak and has been decent since then?

CG: I prefer to concentrate on their great stuff.

CB: Yes. We can see why you, Curtis Granderson, would want to concentrate on the times they were great instead of them just being pretty good.

CG: Is…is this about baseball too?

CB: Yes.

CG: Damn.

CB: Favorite non-baseball blog?

CG: Stuff White People Like.

CB: Are you even trying?

CG: I don’t see…

CB: Everybody used to pay attention to that site, but then they forgot because they had a shiny new toy, which in this metaphor is Tampa Bay, and didn’t talk about it anymore.

CG: Damn it.

CB: You really want to keep doing this?

CG: Not…really.

CB: So, Kenny Rogers?

CG: Yeah, he sucked last year.

CB: Fantastic.

Thanks, Curtis!

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