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David Eckstein Admits to Shortness Abuse


David Eckstein, the Toronto Blue Jays’ new Shortstop admitted Monday to repeated shortness abuse. Eckstein addressed a group of reporters in the Blue Jays’ clubhouse, answering questions about accusations of shortness use. “It’s true. I’m short. And I’ve used that to my advantage over the years, in spite of my better judgment.”

Eckstein, who stands at a sub-human 5’ 7”, admitted to using his boy-like stature to gain such titles as “fan favorite,” “gritty,” and “cutie-pie.” He also apologized for being so short. “It’s a personal problem, but it’s casting the game of baseball in a bad light and I’m terribly sorry. If any kids see this, just don’t do it.. It’ll stunt your growth.”

This all comes in the midst of Major League Baseball’s new shortness testing policy, which includes random blood testing and signs in every clubhouse that read “Must be this tall to be a professional athlete.”

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One comment for “David Eckstein Admits to Shortness Abuse”

  1. I am a baseball player that has beeen shut out by my size. Though I can play harder than the bigger kids, I get these ignerant scouts that see me play a couple innings and give up zero hits. They still throw me aside and say I need to gain some size. Eckstein is my favorite player because, despite his size he plays with the intensity that has been lost by the professionals of today. He plays every game to his best and runs everywhere, even if he is walked. Don’t be mean just because he is short. Thank him for showing us that pros can still play for the love of the game, and not for the money. I would choose David Eckstein for my first round pick every time. I hope the rest of professional baseball can learn to play like David and quit being lazy players that walk to first just because they know they can.

    Posted by Blake Bennett | February 27, 2009, 5:21 pm

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