Hey guess what, Alex? I can see your cyst/torn labrum in these stylin’ shots! Fashion faux pas!
The following modeling photos were taken for an upcoming issue of Details magazine by photographer Steven Klein and creative director Rockwell Harwood (a name stolen from lost Mad Men scripts). Pass no judgment, unless you were gonna say that these pictures make A-Rod look ridiculously full of himself, and that they make you hate him even more. We’re cool with all that.
The other interesting factoid the New York Times (also referred to as the New York “Suck My D@#*” Times by President Bush himself) revealed is that the shoot took place the day SI reporter Selena Roberts broke news about the ‘roids. Wouldn’t roid rage take hold at that point? Shouldn’t have Selena Roberts, Rockwell “Fake Name” Harwood, and Steven Klein’s heads been mashed together by A-Rod’s cheaty arms?
We’ll never know the true answers to that, or what A-Rod’ favorite Madonna song is (hint: it might start with an “E” and end with “vita Soundtrack“).
What we do know is that we can caption the hell out of A-Rod’s thoughts in these revealing photos. Enjoy!
“Hey, have you ever tried sucking in air through your butt and then farting it back out? Wait, you have? Daaaamn!”
“Selena Roberts: I am waiting for the moment where I can hogtie you in the old Yankee Stadium and bury you in the rubble. Total joke, Selena!”
“These oversized socks make the Roid track marks in my calves go away instantly!”
“Derek Sanderson Jeter, I’m never sharing lobster bisque with you AGAIN! Argggghhh!”
“I bet Rafael Palmeiro didn’t look this good in front of Congress. Mmmm…wouldya check out this display of rippling abdominal prowess!”
“I am such a fat whore. Suck in those cheekbones, you fat whore.”
“Why does everyone always make fun of my playoff peripherals. Do you have any playoff peripherals, Jeff Passan? Do you? I bet you don’t!”
“Why can’t I just play for the Mets – no one would give a crap about what I would do there.”
“I love you, Hall-of-Fame-me.”