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Marlins Get Dump On Waterfront

Marlins owner, Jeffrey Loria! You’ve done it again, good friend!

That’s right, you intelligent and witty team owner, you. You’ve gone and got your middling team a stadium! How ever did you get Miami-Dade County Commissioners to agree on anything? I bet you bowled them over with your seething commentary, or your inquisitive stare off into oblivion showed that you had the tools to get something done.

And you did, Jeffrey. You got that confounded retractable roof stadium.

Let’s hear something brilliant from the man himself:

“You’d kind of hope that after eight, nine, 10 years, something does come out of it,” Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria said. “It got done tonight. Eventually, I thought it was going to happen. Miami is really a great place to live. You need a baseball team not to leave. It’s now resolved.”

Earmuffs time, Jeffers.

It’s time for two scoops of truth, folks.

The World Series championships didn’t do it for Loria. The fame, fortune, and art didn’t do it for him either (ChatterBalks is a HUGE fan of Lichtenstein as well). Ol’ Jeffrey boy knew that the people of Miami were far more interested in watching losers like the Dolphins and Jeb Bush parade around the hurricane-ridden streets, than watching a fully-capable baseball team excel despite financial constrictions since their inception.

So he decided to walk into that County Courthouse 10 odd years ago and drum up some interest in a new stadium. Loria decided that, hey, rather than trying to WIN his way into the hearts of tens of baseball fans in Miami, he would push finance through for a retractable roof stadium and increase revenues. Doesn’t this plan sound all too familiar?

WHAT A MONTRE(BALL) EXPOSÉ!

But first, let’s take a step back people. Just because the Montreal Expos went into the bucket doesn’t mean the Marlins will. And just because we’re knee deep in one of the worst modern recessions, DOESN’T mean we can’t bet against it and place a big, fat vote for tourism!

This all sounds savvy to me, Floridian archbishop Mr. Jeffrey H. Loria.

We’ve got a city uninterested in baseball (Montreal, Miami), plus an unwelcoming stadium (Olympic, Dolphin Stadium) in a tough economic environment (CA-US exchange rates in 90’s, giant fucking recession), and Loria has put together a killer deal.

If this all doesn’t work to your advantage Jeff, look into hitting up a flea market with those paintings of yours!

© 2009 Chatterbalks.