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Adorable Blue Jays Think They Can Win AL East

TORONTO – After opening up the season with a 4-4 record that puts them in second place in the AL East and includes a sweep of the defending world champion Red Sox, the Toronto Blue Jays believe they have a good shot at winning their division, and it’s the cutest thing ever. “Yeah, I definitely think we’re a force to be reckoned with,” said DH Frank Thomas. “We’re definitely in the top 3 teams in our division, and we really think this is our year.” He smiled and added “We’re sitting at the big kids table this year!”

GM J.P. Ricciardi agrees with Thomas. “You know, all the problems we’ve had the last few years – [Roy] Halladay being injured, an inconsistent offense, [A.J.] Burnett being injured, an inconsistent bullpen, [B.J.] Ryan being injured…I think this is the year it all comes together.” When asked why this year would be different from others, Ricciardi rolled over on his back with his left leg in the air and indicated that he would like the gathered reporters to rub his belly.

Despite the confidence of the organization, others doubted that this was their year. “It just breaks my heart,” said Yankees second baseman Robinson Cano. “To see those little guys year after year try and try and to know that no matter how much effort they put into it, they’ll never be like us. But they want it so badly! Those poor guys. I hope that one day they understand their place and accept it.”

The Blue Jays laugh off these comparisons. “Come on, guys,” said reliever Jeremy Accardo. “Our hot start to the season is no fluke. We’re no laughinstock. I mean, it’s not like we’re the Orioles.”

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