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Yahoo! Sports MLB Yearbook 2009

mlb-yearbook-2009

When I was inĀ  high school, one of the only things that helped calm my wicked case of “Senior-itis” was getting the yearbook at the end of every year. Nevermind the fact that my Senior-itis persisted from Kindergarten all the way to college. But the best part about the yearbook was not the nostalgia factor by any means. It was making fun of people who took unintentionally hilarious pictures.

Which brings us to MLB team and players photos. Combined with the fact these players make elephant loads of money and could not care less about the picture they’re taking, they add up to some quality mugs. And fortunately for us, the MLB takes their team photos before the season starts and unlike your poor ass high school, releases them to the public as the season starts.

First and foremost I’d like to say R.I.P. to one of the best and boldest profile pictures of all time from last season:

Way to set the tone for the rest of your career.

Way to set the tone for the rest of your career.

I'm pretty sure Kevin Youkillis played that retarded cowboy from "Blazing Saddles" that punched horses in the face.

I'm pretty sure Kevin Youkillis played that retarded cowboy from "Blazing Saddles" that punched horses in the face.

I dare you to think about anything besides blonde pubes when you look at this picture.

I dare you to think about anything besides blonde pubes when you look at this picture.

Scientifically speaking, I'm pretty sure the neck-to-face ratio isn't supposed to be 1:1.

Scientifically speaking, I'm pretty sure a human's neck-to-face ratio isn't supposed to be 1:1.

He's giving Brian Sabean the "You're definitely going to regret signing me" face.

He's giving Brian Sabean the "You're definitely going to regret signing me" face.

clayton-kershaw-profile-picture

When did Ron Howard start pitching for the Dodgers?

Forget Ron Howard, when did Eddie Murphy's character from "Vampire in Brooklyn" start hitting DH for the angels? And did his knees blow out as premature as Vladimir Guererro's?

Forget Ron Howard, when did Eddie Murphy's character from "Vampire in Brooklyn" start hitting DH for the angels? And did his knees blow out as premature as Vladimir Guererro's?

Dave Bush might not strike you out that many times, but he certainly looks like he'd rape you and potentially kidnap your children.

Dave Bush might not strike you out that many times, but he certainly looks like he'd rape you and kidnap your children.

I don't think anyone in the league can pull of the "power dyke" haircut better than Jered Weaver

I don't think anyone in the league can pull of the "power dyke" haircut better than Jered Weaver

My bad, I spoke too soon.

My bad, I spoke too soon.

The nickname "Fat Elvis" is inaccuraute and I can see why Berkman doesn't like the name. It should be "Fat AND retarded Elvis"

The nickname "Fat Elvis" is inaccurate and I can see why Berkman doesn't like the name. It should be "Fat AND retarded Elvis." Also, he's a shoe in for the role of "Syndrome" if they ever make a live action version of "The Incredibles."

Insert "Joker" reference here.

Insert "Joker" reference here.

Was I the last person on Earth to realize Miguel Cabrera has a lazy eye or was everyone too distracted by how fat he'd gotten last year?

Was I the last person on Earth to realize Miguel Cabrera has a lazy eye or was everyone too distracted by how fat he'd gotten last year?

Speaking of far asses. Keep telling yourself he's a "natural" third baseman San Fransico.

Holy shit! And I thought Cabrera was fat. Keep telling yourself he's a "natural" third baseman, San Francisco.

Too bad getting baked out of your mind isn't as good for closing baseball games as it is for taking hilarious pictures. At least he's the hands down winner of 2009.

Too bad getting baked out of your mind isn't as good for closing baseball games as it is for taking hilarious pictures. At least he's the hands down winner of 2009.

If any of you loyal Chatterbalks readers (all 8 of you) find any that we missed, feel free to post them in the comments section.

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4 comments for “Yahoo! Sports MLB Yearbook 2009”

  1. Tim Lincecum and Rachel Maddow…twins separated at birth? I think so!

    Posted by Doug | April 20, 2009, 6:59 pm
  2. Miguel Cabrera is simultaneously watching Carlos Guillen pull a hamstring.

    Posted by Mike | April 20, 2009, 10:43 pm
  3. The best ones I’ve seen are Chris Duncan 2008 vs. 2009. In 2008 he either blinked or was stoned, and in 2009 he overcorrected by giving a deer-in-headlights camera staredown.

    Posted by Kevin | April 21, 2009, 2:21 am
  4. I cannot believe you didn’t compare Kevin Youkilis to Bull Hurley from Over the Top.

    Joe Martinez looks like the guy who shit himself, but doesn’t care. You know, a cross between college bar guy and a homeless person.

    Posted by will | May 6, 2009, 8:46 pm

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