Yahoo! Sports MLB Yearbook 2009
When I was in high school, one of the only things that helped calm my wicked case of “Senior-itis” was getting the yearbook at the end of every year. Nevermind the fact that my Senior-itis persisted from Kindergarten all the way to college. But the best part about the yearbook was not the nostalgia factor by any means. It was making fun of people who took unintentionally hilarious pictures.
Which brings us to MLB team and players photos. Combined with the fact these players make elephant loads of money and could not care less about the picture they’re taking, they add up to some quality mugs. And fortunately for us, the MLB takes their team photos before the season starts and unlike your poor ass high school, releases them to the public as the season starts.
First and foremost I’d like to say R.I.P. to one of the best and boldest profile pictures of all time from last season:
Way to set the tone for the rest of your career.
I'm pretty sure Kevin Youkillis played that retarded cowboy from "Blazing Saddles" that punched horses in the face.
I dare you to think about anything besides blonde pubes when you look at this picture.
Scientifically speaking, I'm pretty sure a human's neck-to-face ratio isn't supposed to be 1:1.
He's giving Brian Sabean the "You're definitely going to regret signing me" face.
When did Ron Howard start pitching for the Dodgers?
Forget Ron Howard, when did Eddie Murphy's character from "Vampire in Brooklyn" start hitting DH for the angels? And did his knees blow out as premature as Vladimir Guererro's?
Dave Bush might not strike you out that many times, but he certainly looks like he'd rape you and kidnap your children.
I don't think anyone in the league can pull of the "power dyke" haircut better than Jered Weaver
My bad, I spoke too soon.
The nickname "Fat Elvis" is inaccurate and I can see why Berkman doesn't like the name. It should be "Fat AND retarded Elvis." Also, he's a shoe in for the role of "Syndrome" if they ever make a live action version of "The Incredibles."
Insert "Joker" reference here.
Was I the last person on Earth to realize Miguel Cabrera has a lazy eye or was everyone too distracted by how fat he'd gotten last year?
Holy shit! And I thought Cabrera was fat. Keep telling yourself he's a "natural" third baseman, San Francisco.
Too bad getting baked out of your mind isn't as good for closing baseball games as it is for taking hilarious pictures. At least he's the hands down winner of 2009.
If any of you loyal Chatterbalks readers (all 8 of you) find any that we missed, feel free to post them in the comments section.