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miguel cabrera

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Stupid White Sox in Stupid First Place, Reports AL Central

According to the other four teams in the AL Central, the “stupid White Sox” are in “stupid first place,” but the other teams “totally don’t want to be there anyway.” The Twins, Royals, Tigers, and Indians all claimed that being in first is for “sucky losers” and that only “stupid idiots” want to be in […]

Dear Detroit Tigers: The Kansas City Royals are Better Than You.

Miguel in his lighter days with the Marlins Dear Detroit Tigers, Before the season started you were the unanimous favorite to win the AL Central. It was expected that with such a dominant offense, all would cower and kneel before your awesomeness. In my fantasy leagues I drafted accordingly, picking up Polanco, Rentaria, Cabrera and […]

Gems From the Web: 3/28

Josh Beckett pitches four shutout innings in a minor league game, cementing the fact that he will not become injured for the rest of the season. The Reds have told Mike Stanton that his services are no longer needed. Wait, Mike Stanton is alive? And also, the Reds don’t have a need for awful players? […]

Jim Leyland’s Smokehouse: “Eric Karros, Grow Out A Goddamn Moustache Already”

Hello folks. The name is Leyland, Jim Leyland. And I’m here to tell ya’ll about somethin’ that’s choppin’ mah balls. There’s not too many varmints in this world who have the gumption to literally and figuratively go spittin’ in mah bazoo. But this Eric Karros, he is one flannel-mouthed horse’s ass. Well Karros, lemme tell […]

Detroit Sizzler Manager Excited About Cabrera Contract

DETROIT, MI – Miguel Cabrera was pretty happy Monday after signing a new 8-year, $152 million deal. But there was one man who might have been happier: Sam Norwood, manager of a Sizzler restaurant in Detroit. “It’s a tough time for the buffet industry,” said Norwood. “Hometown [Buffet]’s shutting down stores, we’re still trying to […]