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red sox

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Elias Sports Bureau Amends Lester’s No-hitter With Asterisk

BOSTON, MA – According to the Elias Sports Bureau, Boston Red Sox SP John Lester’s no-hitter on Monday night was amended with an asterisk. The Red Sox hurler successfully pitched nine full innings for the win without giving up a hit, which under normal circumstances is defined as a no-hitter. However, the gem occurred against […]

ESPN To Air Red Sox Game

BRISTOL, CT – ESPN announced today its intentions to air a baseball game featuring the Boston Red Sox on Sunday. In a press release, the network stated that “This team is a cornerstone of Major League Baseball, and we have been neglecting them for too long. We will remedy this stunning lack of attention to […]

Gems From the Web: 4/15

Manny Ramirez pairs his fashionable ‘do with a moustache to boot! [Red Sox Monster] More moustache news: this time it’s Eric Byrnes. The longer the hit streak, the longer the moustache. [Yahoo! Sports] Randy Johnson mullet = career year. [Sports Yenta] If Mike Piazza goes to the Yankees, can Eric Karros come too? Pretty please? […]

Red Sox Employees Report Manny “Not Being Manny”

BOSTON, MA – Several clubhouse employees at Fenway Park have recently reported that Red Sox OF Manny Ramirez simply “hasn’t been Manny” since the start of the season. “Manny being Manny” is a catchphrase developed by Manny Ramirez himself. Normal Manny is an elusive and mysterious character, akin to the Great Gatsby. In his free […]

Liveblogging – Opening Day 2008

Baseball and ChatterBalks fans alike, your day has come. Praise the baseball lords, demi-gods, and Milton Bradley for not killing you yet. You’ve waited through months and months of WNBA action, and other sports that we will classify in that generalized “not-as-good-as-baseball” category. Sorry, jai alai. For your viewing pleasure, we present to you a […]

Gems From the Web: 3/19

The baseball players union will investigate possible collusion in the case of one Barry L. Bonds. Yeah, why hasn’t anyone signed that guy? We can’t think of a single reason. What have the Yankees learned from Carl Pavano? Apparently, to trade for constantly injured players instead of buying them. The Red Sox think their coaches […]